Saturday, April 11, 2009

Men men all Around....

" Its hard to find good friends now, you should have tried other good ones at school " My inner voice echoes this everytime..

I sometimes feel really low about having lost everyone who I ever loved... 

At school.. I made few great friends ...had a huge circle.. and after school i even tried keeping in touch with those people... All i got from the other side was 

1) No Call backs
2) They got new friends, 
3) they got meaner and busier
4) Some even fought with me intentionally ( may be to get rid of me ) 
5) They forgot me..did not even bother!!

You know how it felt? 
torn into PIECES

I really wanted my girls to stay with me.... Till date many of the groups in the school survive...and are enjoying each other's company quite well...
In my circle Only me and Meet are left....I am happy with him...Very happy....he is the best of all MY  friends ..
I sometimes wonder "why did my friends forgot me?"
" why did they love  me THEN and stabbed me after school?"
" how can people be so mean to me?"

The other times I feel,
It is Olryt...they never deserved me...and all the dogmatic notions which surrender me for a little while....I am not comfortable with these feelings...Iam not able to understand even after moving on...that why did THIS HAPPENED...???????

was I a problem??
if yes, why did they pretend being someone else in school....? 
Y? y? y?

The entire group devastated.... whole of it spread except for few stupid cupids...
Even m left with one....
but still did not get an answer....
Planned get did not work out....o Helll.......

then i thought to myself
"Let bygones be bygones
i want to move on for God sake..."

I am still in search for a friend.... who can understand me.... with who i can enjoy....celebrate my womanhood...m kind of irritated with all men around... understood them well.... know them from tip to to know men so well that i can really write a book on "Men aren't from venus, women are from mars"
(no offence Ladies..!) 

whenever i tell him all this...he just says one thing... " M I nothing to youuu?, you still need a girl friend? "
At times he really does understand my feelings....comfort me but has no solutions to my queries...I have female friends...but as I wrote in my earlier post....Its is one sided and having tried and tested them everytime ... i cant really call them as "Friends"..

It was very hard to write this post....cuz i hate sympathies ...
and i hardly state my feelings in front of people i hardly knoe but here i am...
why on earth am i blogging???

I didn't get to sustain good friendships at college and school level....because there was no point forcing someone into any kind of a relation...
i did get friends....they were a bliss..but for a temporary periods...
This is a fact that I don't trust girls easily now..isnt it strange..I have started behaving like men after spending so muchh time with them.....
Men have been much supportive, patient, tolerating, sweet, much better frens to me
but still iam tired of all men around...they are veri precious....but as someone said....somethings can be only talked, expressed and understood by a women....
but i did not find any...

thats why except for few men around i dun see friendship anywhere....:( 
but i really wish to see it....cuz i know IT EXISTS....

is there a particular age to make friends??? 

I still wonder...Why did they leave me with uncertainity in my feelings about relations? left me insecured? :(

"Happiness seems to be loneliness 
And loneliness chilled my world 
How could you guess, when you're only thinking of yourself?
by tomcraft

cheers :)