♥♥Here without "YOU"♥♥

Missing you babie....♥♥

Though, You aren't with me...

the whole world seems Depopulated..♥♥

My knees are weak....

My heart is heavy...

but your love is my strength...♥♥

then why is it making me weak..??

Still after four years in the relation...

get butterflies in my stomach...

when i think bout you..

or you look into my eyes..♥♥

such is our love..

so fresh yet so old..♥♥

Look into my eyes...

did not sleep since longg...♥♥

Waiting for my world..

my world is you..

just want to embrace your love

around my arms ...♥♥

the moonlight speaks only of you

n donot let me sleep♥♥

my castles haunt me...

m so empty yet so heavy inside somewhere near the stomach♥♥

M still here without you....

you are there ...n still not wimme...♥♥

Honey...you are my need...!!

Missing you like hell in the heaven...♥♥

I ♥ you forever...♥♥

Screwed

Day time:
My brains fcking screwed by so many thoughts altogether...
pissed off.....!!!!
meri life mei "pange khatm hi nahi hote..."
kabhi bf se panga..kabhi friends se argument..ye narazz ...wo upset..mai upset...papa sad ...uff...
these dumb fcking walls too never speak
knock knock....
Y are things bothering me????
Need a Psychatrist...arrgghhh...!!!!
Evening:
.....Washed my hair...with a fruit flavored shampoo..( smelled umm .. yummy ) ..
was calmed down...
watched tv..had a small chat with a friend...a bit relaxed...brains are again screwed...
O Jesus......!!!
Help me..please...
m not that bad as a person...!!

The Unstained LOTUS....

Hey there..was thinking of changing my name today...Lotus was what i define myself as...in a single word...!!

I am back from a cool trip ( Mussoorie )

Right now iam listening to a song called LEJA LEJA ( by ustad ali ) ...i am hearing it for the 17th time....I just larve it....!!

Many followers were waiting for me..please excuse me as i was kind of trapped in my entangled routine...!!

My life has changed to a great extent...

over with the graduation's exams...Now would certainly hunt for a good job....n the first thing m goin to do with my first salary is ...would go for a Lotus tattoo...which will remind me of being a 'lotus' everytime prior dealing with the mean world

..during the trip ..i saw a lotus at one of our stoppage called Cheetal ( quite famous 1 )....

I was goin through a lot at that time....my mind was muddled up with various Questions....

I got back from there and again...no change...My mind was still wondering...unless while uploading pics on facebook...I found a pic of a lotus which i clicked....which reminds me...of my own traits...

I mistook the stains on my image which in reality, don't affect my appearance and purity...

then i read this somewhere...n I was sure i need a tattoo now...coz i wanted to rise above

...Lotus will remind me to be someone who i actually am...

"The one who wanders independent in the world, free from opinions and viewpoints, does not grasp them and enter into disputations and arguments. As the lotus rises on its stalk unsoiled by the mud and the water, so the wise one speaks of peace and is unstained by the opinions of the world."

The Handbag "SYNDROME"

As i promised m back with nothing much....

Imran khan, Priyanka, John...and now me....Handbag...m sure many of you must have browsed 'Handbag' columns in HT city last week...

I truly enjoyed going through those columns....

As i grew up with guys I know th

ey crib over girlie things which we carry though they'll crib more if we do not carry them....I bet...if they read ...they'll know...:)

So, We are different..."He" and " she"

"HUM - tum" are unusually opposites....

Well coming back to hangbag column....

I went through these three columns...and I just FOUND the difference .... i mean he/she thing again...

Talking bout my "Handbag syndrome"...

umm ....My mum....best fren...boy fren....all of them are irritated with my habit of getting them in every color and style...

Usage:

#Whenever your guy suffers from headache, can hand over him the Crocin..!! He is IMPRESSED!!! not bad...huh!!!!

#If you buy a surprise gift for my mom...I dun have to hide it behind my bum or thighs..as if she wont get to know....!

#A long day....and u get a sudden call from an important fren who wants to meet ....What if u r on your way back...stuck in the traffic...looking horrible...u can quickly brush yo hair...if yo handbag got a comb in it...!!

#Wallet is safe.

#Cellphones are safe inside the Handbag and No one has to look fat from the thighs cuz of those imprints visible tackily in the front or the back pocket...!!

#Style...**

These were few ...now the top ten things which A girl must Carry:

HANDBAG: "the bigger, the better, the trendier"

10) A pocket cologne. Your deo wont help you for more than 3-5 hours even if u sit in AC the entire time.

9) Crocin, Band aid and a Koflet. ( Headache, a bruise and soar throat- the most usual problems)

8) Wallet with extra money and debit cards safe inside. ( you'll be juggling to find them...so how can the thief be sure of it?)

7)the "Girlie" thing (you might need it or may be the girl sitting next to you)

6)A comb ( very very very precious thing )

5)Facewash, Tissues

4) Basic make up- ( as per your use..For me: Kohl and Gloss)

3)Sunglasses/ contacts case.

2) Sunscreen ( Summers ) and Lip balm ( winters for chipped lips)

1) Pepper Spray (Meet got me 1..I don't move without it)

Forgave you

"I know I forgave 
But this is not the end
in those past moments 
You weren’t my friend
I don’t want you to see 
That I’m still angry 
The pain hasn’t left me yet
Even though I’m trying to forget"

I forgave you already Teddo........Initially I was hurt and I promised myself that I would never ever talk to you....but i knew I had to....it s NOT POSSIBLE

but then Mom Dad left and i invited you to my place....

The reason was not to make out with you....umm....ok..well...

Excuse No. 1: It was long we met.

excuse no. 2: I wanted you to embrace me.

Excuse no. 3: I wanted the fight to get over.

Excuse no. 4: Delhi's weather is pathetic nowadays so din want to go out ..wanted to stay in my cool cozy room.

Thanks for the Apologies I never expected this from a typical man like you...cuz 

Men have the capacity to kill and pretend as if nothing had happened...!! 

I was really angry initially i thought to myself innumerous ways to take a revenge against you.....i was soo soo angry that i felt like Flirting with a guy and make you Jealous...I knoe thats mean but not as mean as You..!! You are a big time Pangebaaz...(:x

you gave me these chocolates....and asked for apology ...well that was cute and i was surprised...and then i dunno much Nakhras...so I accepted (I love bar one and five star)....I had 3 of them already .....M sure i would have gained few pounds which i lost ....

However....

We cuddled n muddled a bit...ahem...Naughty naughty stuff.... ...Can't really elaborate....

Later

....

I cooked for him...he had few fruits...

I read somewhere....Fruit is a sexiest element to seduce a guy...however i should have thought that before...

so.....

for next time..I ll remember Fruits....umm...strawberries....ooo la la....!!

then it was time to bid you Good bye....Love you babie...mwah

 I Kissed him Good bye...with a lil peck on his cheek wich was reciprocated...

and yeah special mention to Princess Nuchu ...Thanks for the award...she awarded me with...."Mysterious and lovely award"....thanks soo much sweetie pie..

These awards are really encouraging to keep up the blog work...!!

Coming up: 

Handbag syndrome.

(Before i Sleep)

Goodie Stuff

M smiling today ...the true smile...:)...

I was in a lot of stress since 6 months.... i hoped to move on...M happy since i saw that dream...I wish His Soul rests in Peace..... He came to say he is going..but to a better place...m really happie for him but sad for myself...coz now he might live a new life....without his angel...(thats Me)...he might forget me...

Neway....No talks which would invite my hankerchief again.....

Chalo Dipti gave me the award....Thank u...I am veri greedy on awards and compliments...:) 

Do i deserve it? yeah probably cuz thats y i write...I just jot down my feelings.....Blindly...in one go...!!

M happy for you girl...that you are enjoying life...well..i feel that she really knows how to live life...touchwood 

* quickly touches the wood behind * 

cheers..

Kisses <3>

so what else comes under goodie stuff today olryt....: 

I have finally lost 3-4 kgs after my Breathless efforts...

I had a big mug of mango shake....yummy...

Teddo is Recovering

I m turning outta be optimistic...

I am learning the way of living life...more beautifully...!!

Exams are just a week ahead ....Time to study...Buhbyee Good night....!!!

Cheers....

HIghlights of the Day: Umm....yeah all the above...but if to choose 1...no i cant..honestly...!

What i Learnt today: Live life as it comes..!!! Life is how you see it...!! 

Men men all Around....

" Its hard to find good friends now, you should have tried other good ones at school " My inner voice echoes this everytime..

I sometimes feel really low about having lost everyone who I ever loved... 

At school.. I made few great friends ...had a huge circle.. and after school i even tried keeping in touch with those people... All i got from the other side was 

1) No Call backs

2) They got new friends, 

3) they got meaner and busier

4) Some even fought with me intentionally ( may be to get rid of me ) 

5) They forgot me..did not even bother!!

You know how it felt? 

Rejected

Deceived.

hurt.

bruised...

torn into PIECES

I really wanted my girls to stay with me.... Till date many of the groups in the school survive...and are enjoying each other's company quite well...

In my circle Only me and Meet are left....I am happy with him...Very happy....he is the best of all MY  friends ..

I sometimes wonder "why did my friends forgot me?"

" why did they love  me THEN and stabbed me after school?"

" how can people be so mean to me?"

The other times I feel,

It is Olryt...they never deserved me...and all the dogmatic notions which surrender me for a little while....I am not comfortable with these feelings...Iam not able to understand even after moving on...that why did THIS HAPPENED...???????

was I a problem??

if yes, why did they pretend being someone else in school....? 

Y? y? y?

The entire group devastated.... whole of it spread except for few stupid cupids...

Even m left with one....

but still did not get an answer....

Planned get togethers..it did not work out....o Helll.......

then i thought to myself

"Let bygones be bygones

i want to move on for God sake..."

I am still in search for a friend.... who can understand me.... with who i can enjoy....celebrate my womanhood...m kind of irritated with all men around... understood them well.... know them from tip to toe....got to know men so well that i can really write a book on "Men aren't from venus, women are from mars"

(no offence Ladies..!) 

whenever i tell him all this...he just says one thing... " M I nothing to youuu?, you still need a girl friend? "

At times he really does understand my feelings....comfort me but has no solutions to my queries...I have female friends...but as I wrote in my earlier post....Its is one sided and having tried and tested them everytime ... i cant really call them as "Friends"..

ENOUGH OF MY PATIENCE TESTED

I AM ACTUALLY TIRED

It was very hard to write this post....cuz i hate sympathies ...

and i hardly state my feelings in front of people i hardly knoe but here i am...

why on earth am i blogging???

I didn't get to sustain good friendships at college and school level....because there was no point forcing someone into any kind of a relation...

i did get friends....they were a bliss..but for a temporary periods...

This is a fact that I don't trust girls easily now..isnt it strange..I have started behaving like men after spending so muchh time with them.....

Men have been much supportive, patient, tolerating, sweet, much better frens to me

but still iam tired of all men around...they are veri precious....but as someone said....somethings can be only talked, expressed and understood by a women....

but i did not find any...

thats why except for few men around i dun see friendship anywhere....:( 

but i really wish to see it....cuz i know IT EXISTS....

is there a particular age to make friends??? 

I still wonder...Why did they leave me with uncertainity in my feelings about relations? left me insecured? :(

"Happiness seems to be loneliness 
And loneliness chilled my world 
How could you guess, when you're only thinking of yourself? "
by tomcraft

cheers :)